


twinks club

by keihjis



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/F, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Swearing, author cant really spell, chat fic, i dont even know why i did this, i dont know how to tag lmao bye, i just love my gay team moms pls spare me, lots and lots of swearing, team moms, this is hella gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2018-10-07 17:38:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10365948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keihjis/pseuds/keihjis
Summary: sugawankra: fuck u iwa-cunt go back to sucking oikawas dickiwa-cunt!:sugawankra: osugawankraa:wait,sugawankra: is there evenanythingto suck





	1. how to hypothetically seduce someone you have a hypothetical crush on

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on twitter @hanamakih !! i love my team moms im so sorry what have i even don e  
> this is hella gay read at ur own risk  
> im trying to be funny but i really am not so bear with me

  
**sugawankra** _added_ **iwa-cunt!** , **moniwow** , **yacult** , _and_ **akaashi**  


sugawankra: henlo

  
**iwa-cunt!** _left_  
**sugawankra** _added_ **iwa-cunt!**  


  
sugawankra: not so fast bitch

akaashi: o

yacult: what is this

moniwow: a group chat

akaashi: a group chat

iwa-cunt!: a group chat

sugawankra: a group chat

yacult: TH E  


  
**yacult** _left_  


akaashi: lol

  
**akaashi** _added_ **yacult**  


  
yacult: i hate all of you

yacult: so what is this sugawanker

yacult: *SUGAWARA

yacult: gdi why is your display name so fa t bitch

sugawankra: u h i breathed

iwa-cunt!: then stop breathing  


  
**sugawankra** _left the conversation_  
**iwa-cunt** _added_ **sugawankra**  


  
sugawankra: fuck u iwa-cunt go back to sucking oikawas dick  
  
iwa-cunt!:  
  
sugawankra: o  
  
sugawankraa: _wait,_  
  
sugawankra: is there even _anything_ to suck  
  
moniwow: YOoOo  
  
akaashi: OH MY GDO  
  
akaashi: shots fired lm ao  
  
yacult: iwa-cunt do u need water to apply to that burn  
  
iwa-cunt!: LISTEN,  
  
akaashi: im listening  
  
iwa-cunt!: IN THIS HOUSE WE DO NOT TOLERATE OIKAWA SLANDER  
  
sugawankra:  
  
sugawankra: ok but did we ask  
  
iwa-cunt!: WHY AM I EVEN BEING ATTACKED  


  
**iwa-cunt!** _left the conversation_

**sugawankra** _added_ **iwa-cunt!**  


  
sugawankra: n e wa Y  
  
sugawankra: before our precious iwa-cunt™ decided to be a mega bitch and rudely interrupted me,  
  
iwa-cunt!: uhm  
  
sugawankra: no shut up you honky whale  
  
sugawankra: i need help  
  
moniwow: oh :O what can we help you with, suga?  
  
sugawankra: k so,  
  
sugawankra: hypothetically speaking, how do you hypothetically seduce your captain you have hypothetical feelings for  
  
akaashi: what  
  
moniwow: o,,,  


  
**moniwow** _named the group_ **operation seducing daichi**  


akaashi: no i have something better

  
**akaashi** _changed the name to_ **twinks club**  


  
iwa-cunt!: oh my god  
  
yacult: AKAASH I  
  
moniwow: OH MY FOD  
  
sugawankra: WHY  
  
iwa-cunt!: why is it so hard to admit that youre gay for daichi  
  
sugawankra: I DIDNT EVEN SAY THAT THIS WAS ABOUT ME I WAS ASKING FOR A FRIEND  
  
yacult: sounds fake but ok  
  
iwa-cunt!: ok so ur gay for daichi  
  
iwa-cunt!: so what  
  
sugawankra: stp o  
  
yacult: pretend to trip infront of daichi and stick ur ass out  
  
yacult: slowly turn your head and say ‘oh, oops’  
  
yacult: slowly rise in a cat like position with your ass directly faced toward him and look at him while ur doing it  
  
yacult: bam itll be dicks out for suga in no time  
  
akaashi:  
  
akaashi: thats quite the detailed plan u got there  
  
akaashi: is that what you did with lev  
  
yacult: well,  
  
moniwow: oh my god,  
  
iwa-cunt!: LMAO  
  
moniwow: that sounds like a pretty solid plan if you ask me you should go for it sugawanker  
  
sugawankra: WHY ARE YALL LIKE THIS  
  
sugawankra:  
  
sugawankra: ok but,  
  
sugawankra: that actually sounds like a good plan  
  
sugawankra: ill try it later at training ill update u fattys later

✓ read by everyone 8:35 PM

iwa-cunt!: wait i just realized  
  
iwa-cunt: sugas display name oh my dgo  
  
akaashi: youre one to talk, iwa-cunt.  



	2. men, you won't need viagra if you watch this now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> akaashis having a crisis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize for updating so late my wifi broke down and i havent had time to call our service provider until this week  
> 

8:07 PM

 

akaashi: KILL YOURSELVES

iwa-cunt!: the fuck bitch what did we even do to you

yacult: we breathed you dumb fuck

sugawanker: THE

moniwow: wgat the fuck akaashi

akaashi: I HATE ALL OF YOU

sugawanker:

akaashi: SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YALLS PROBLEMS

iwa-cunt!: i,

iwa-cunt!: ok this is getting annoying what the hell is your problem akaashi

akaashi: I FAIL AT LIFE

yacult: ywah I agree with iwa

yacult: wait what are you okay

moniwow: did something happen

akaashi: I THINK

akaashi: IM IN LOVE WITH BOKUTO?????????????????

yacult: jfc

yacult: JFC AKAASHI

iwa-cunt!: wait so

sugawanker: you mean to tell us,

moniwow: that you and bokuto

yacult: aren’t dating?

akaashi: okay first off,

akaashi: stop witht that synchronized asking of questions yall creepy its ugly

moniwow: fuck you

akaashi: second ,

akaashi: no wtf are yall actually dumb bokuto and i arent together

yacult: WHA T

yacult: ALL THIS TIME

yacult: IVE NEVER FELT SO BETRAYED RIGHT UNTIL THIS MOMENT BITCH I

akaashi: why are yall even surprised bokuto probably doesn’t even see me that way

sugawanker: akaash I h8 2 break it 2 u but

sugawanker: for someone so calm collected and smart ur pretty dumb

akaashi: o

akaashi: tnx i guess

moniwow: why

akaashi: why what

moniwow: why are you like this

sugawanker: akaashi

sugawanker: h8 2 break it 2 u again but

sugawanker: bokuto looks at you like youre a god or something

yacult: but then again were talking about bokuto here so thats not really a reach suga

sugawanker: LMAO RIGHT

akaashi: are yall uglies insulting the delicious muscle man of my dreams

iwa-cunt!: whoa there bitch ddo you need water

akaashi: wahth

iwa-cunt!: youre so damn thirsty

akaashi: o

akaashi: tnx i guess

yacult: JESUS

assahi: you called?

iwa-cunt!: what the fuck

yacult: youre not even a part of this group chat get ou t

**assahi** _left the conversation_

sugawanker: well,

yacult: oh by the way akaashi why were you even cursing at us earlier

akaashi: ah rihhgt

iwa-cunt!: can you even spell anything correctly

akaashi: im gay

iwa-cunt!: what does that even have to do with anything

akaashi: its like your precious oikawas dick—nOTHING

moniwow: OH MY GOS

moniwow: UIHIDJHVFDFBVSCSL

akaashi: ne way  i simply assumed yall knew what i was feeling and didnt tell me

akaashi: or maybe i just wnsnted to say fuck yall

akaashi: who knows

yacult: you know what youre even more messier than bokuto

yacult: a real match made in heaven

sugawanker: so what are tou planning to do akaashi

akaashi: idek should i send myself in a box without clothes on and only a bow attached to my head

iwa-cunt!: thats way too graphic i didnt need that kind of image

moniwow: stop lyin g iwa-cunt everyone is gay for akaashi

sugawanker: true

yacult: true

iwa-cunt: ok true

yacult: thats a pretty good idea akaashi ill make lev deliver you to bokutos house

akaashi: really wow thaks

yacult: on one condition

yacult: give me the box after you use it

yacult: :)

sugawanker: DISGUSTING

sugawanker: GET OUT

**yacult** _left the conversation_

✓ read by everyone 9:45 P.M

 

moniwow: uh

moniwow: guys

moniwow: its been three hours do you not have plans of adding yaku back

sugawanker: oh my god

**sugawanker** _added_ **yacult** _to the conversation_

sugawanker: I FORGOT ALL ABOUT YAKU LMAO

yacult:

yacult: u kno what

yacult: fuck u

sugawanker: how about you dont pls im a committed man to daichi and btw if anyones interested the plan worked out we may or may not have fucked in the storage closet in the gym before practice started am I great or am I great

yacult: first of all no one asked u can go fuck yourself

yacult: second of all

yacult: how about you catch this block instead

**sugawanker** _left the conversation_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i honestly dot know what im doing lol  
> plot??????? what plot ?????????  
> im a mess im sorry  
> and i cnat spell


	3. dangerous trick with gummy bears that teens secretly try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> salty yaku strikes again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, i use clickbait ads as my titles  
> why?  
> i think the better question is why not  
> also im uncreative im sorry nothing even makes sense anymore im a mess 
> 
> p.s: super short chapter, might do a double update

moniwow: GUYS ITS BEEN THREE DAYS

yacult: ?

moniwow: ITS BEEN THREE DAYS SINCE YOU BLOCKED SUGA OUT UNTIL WHEN ARE YOU PLANNING TO KEEP IT THAT WAY

akaashi: LMAO

iwa-cunt!: OH M FOD

yacult: ,

yacult: oh my god,

yacult: ,,,

 

**yacult** _added_ **sugawanker** _to the conversation_

 

sugawanker: hello

sugawanker: it me

yacult: from the other side

akaashi: no

sugawanker: YAKU YOU SON OF A BITCH

yacult: i suddenly remembered im actually giving a blowjob to lev right now gtg,, !! ,,

moniwow: DISGUSTING

sugawanker: THATS SO DISGUSTING I HOPE LEVS DICK PUNCTURES THROUGH YOUR SKULL AND OUT YOUR NOSTRILS YOU THIRSTY FUCKER

akaashi: is levs dick even long enough to do that

iwa-cunt!: does lev even have a dick

yacult: WHY ARE YALL NASTY BITCHES EVEN TALKING ABOUT MY BOYFRIENDS DICK

yacult: GO TALK ABOUT YOUR OWN

yacult: oh wait do they even have dicks

yacult: ah no wait

yacult: do you even have boyfriends

yacult: :)

 

**iwa-cunt!** _left_

**akaashi** _left_

**moniwow** _left_

 

yacult: thats what i thought 

yacult: bitches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i may or may not have done this while i was in the bathroom  
> also follow or talk to me on [tumblr](http://keihjis.tumblr.com/)!


	4. discover a weird trick to make $3,500 today!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont really know what this shit fest is im so sorry  
> this is loosely based on my groupchat with my closest friends  
> you can tell we talk about shit a lot  
> credits to my friend lina who really has a giant man eating pigs kink and is always bullied in our chat LMAO I LOVE YOU

iwa-cunt!: guys im going to add another person okay

moniwow: go for it

yacult: who

 

**iwa-cunt!** _added_ **semihard**

sugawanker: SEMI MY SON

semihard: oh whats this

semihard: SUGA

yacult: so semi are you actually semihard right now

moniwow: w h y

akaashi: hello

semihard: depends on the person who asked ;)

sugawanker: gasps

iwa-cunt!: im telling shirabu

semihard: please dont

semihard: id much rather have my dong and my ass intact for the rest of my life, tnx

akaashi: sounds kinky

yacult: why

moniwow: ur not really any better yaku

yacult: BLOCKEDT BITNCH

sugawanker: anyway semi how have you been!!!

semihard: ive been doing pretty well,

semihard: my giant man eating pig kink has been going well too

moniwow: wow

yacult: ….

iwa-cunt!: what

akaashi: kinky

sugawanker: why

semihard: JEUSHSJKSJFK

semihard: THAT WAS TENDOU

akaashi: sounds fake but ok

semihard: WHY AM I BEING ATTACKED

moniwow: you brought it to yourself when you brought up you man eating pigs kink

semihard: LIKE I SAID TGAT WAS TENDOU STOP ATTAVKONG ME

yacult: attavkong

semihard: im blocking

sugawanker: GUYS GUYS I WENT TO A DOG CAFÉ TODAY

semihard: OMG WHAT

 moniwow: SEND PICS

akaashi: DID THEY HAVE SIBERIANS I LOVE SIBERIANS

sugawanker: husky.mp4

akaashi: ITS SO ADORABLE OH MY OS

yacult: this is actually adorable ive never seen akaashi so happy about something besides bokuto

akaashi: and sucking his dong of course

moniwow: AKAASHI

iwa-cunt!: STOP WITH THE RATED R SHIT YOU DUMB FUCKS

akaashi: yaku started it

sugawanker: N E WA Y

iwa-cunt!: continue suga

sugawanker: thank you iwaizumi, the only sane person in this group

akaashi: i take offense in that, suga-san. i am very much sane

yacult: stfu you horndog ur anything but sane

akaashi: i breathed

sugawanker: DO YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE DOG CAFÉ OR NOT YOU THIRSTY BITCHES

semihard: chill ok tell us what happened

sugawanker: OK SO THEY DIDN’T HAVE SIBERIANS BUT THEY HAD A BIG FLUFFY HUSKY

sugawanker: THE ONE I SENT EARLIER

yacult: correct me if im wrong

semihard: but

akaashi: isnt a siberian a husky….

sugawanker: shit gtg xD

iwa-cunt!: xD

 iwa-cunt!: why am i even friends with all of you

moniwow: because were all lovable as fuck? :3

akaashi: because semi-san has a kink for giant man eating pigs?

iwa-cunt!: wrong bitch

semihard: EXCUSE ME

akaashi: you’re excused

iwa-cunt!: at this point semi’s gonna reincarnate as a pig

 semihard: I DIDNT ASK FOR ANY OF THIS FUCK ALL FO YOU

yacult: no thanks

moniwow: no thanks

 

**semihard** _added_ **shirabae** _to the conversation_

shirabae: what the fuck is this

semihard: BABE THEYRE ALL GANGING UP ON ME

smeihard: PLS DEFEND YOUR HANDSOME BOYFRIENDS HONOR

shirabae: you probably brought it upon yourself bitch

shirabae: clean up your own shit

shirabae: also stop by my house later at 5 im making cheesecake bye

shirabae: ily

 

**shirabae** _left the conversation_

moniwow: THAT WAS ADORABLE

moniwow: but semi I didn’t know shirabu was a total tsundere

semihard: tsundere my ass hes like 99% tsun 1% dere

sugawanker: JHFDJNFKJDCD

iwa-cunt!: and you ask why people attack you all the time

semihard: I don’t deserve this this is child abuse

semihard: all i do is get harassed the moment i entered this groupchat

yacult: you deserve it

akaashi: you deserve it

semihard: I DID NOTHING

yacult: stfu you lust over giant man eating pigs

semihard: THAT WAS TENDOU

semihard: LET ME LIVE OH YM GSO

sugawanker: i wouldnt be surprised if semi is a furry

moniwow: i could totally see it

semihard: I BREATHED WHAT THE UKCF

semihard: ok but my classmate is lowkey a furry

semihard: she once told me she wanted to fuck aslan from Narnia

akaashi: sounds kinky

moniwow: HJAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHWAHT HT E FUCK

yacult: does she want the big d

sugawanker: YAKU SDHJSN

akaashi: the big dong

semihard: tokyo people are wild

akaashi: more like miyagi people are wild

akaashi: is your bestiality related kinks somehow related to where yall live because you live in farms

sugawanker: WE DON’T LIVE ON FARMS MEET ME IN THE PIT IM RIPPED

akaashi: id rather not

sugawanker: COWARD HAH SUCK MY ASS AKAASHI

akaashi: you dont have one, suga-san

yacult: theres nothing to suck on, suga

sugawanker:

 

**sugawanker** _left the conversation_

 

iwa-cunt!: jfc

semihard: this is a train wreck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love semishira  
> come visit and talk to me on [tumblr](http://keihjis.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> also thank you for the all the kudos and all the comments!! i really love reading everything and talking to everyone hehe thank you so much! i'm not the best in english and i make lots of typos and i honestly can't write anything for life but this got more support than what i'd expected! (i expected like 10 kudos max haha!) so once again thank you very much!!!!!


	5. get out of my lawn hoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twitter @hanamakih ♡

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE NO WORDS IM SORRY

  
moniwow: suga can i kiss tobio-chan  
moniwow: wait nvm you know what im gonna kiss him nonetheless permission or not  
sugawanker: STAY AWAY FROM MY SON MONIWA  
yacult: well this is surprising  
semi-hard: gasps  
akaashi: scandalous  
iwa-cunt!: oh my god im telling oikawa  
moniwow: what  
sugawanker: NOPE THIS ISNT HAPPENIS  
sugawanker: HAPPENING*  
yacult: even if he’s mad he’s still that thirsty for dick, huh….  
akaashi: shocking  
moniwow: wait what  
moniwow: o  
moniwow: OH NO ITS NOT LIKE THAT YOU DIRTY FUCKERS  
iwa-cunt!: MONIWA-CHAN I WON’T LET YOU TAINT TOBIO-CHAN  
iwa-cunt!: sorry that was oikawa  
iwa-cunt!: continue  
semihard: LMAO MONIWA ARE YOU TAKING IT BACK AFTER YOU REMEMBERED WHAT HAPPENED TO FUTAKUCHI WHEN HE TRIED TO HIT ON ENNOSHITA  
sugawanker: don’t remind me of that filthy lecherous bastard that tainted and corrupted my poor innocent child  
sugawanker: speaking of that demon  
sugawanker: PUT YOUR CHILD ON A LEASH MONIWA  
sugawanker: ENNOSHITA WENT TO PRACTICE YESTERDAY WITH HICKIES ON HIS COLLARBONES AND HIS THIGHS  
semi-hard: oh damn  
akaashi: spill the tea suga  
yacult: this some boiling hot tea i love it  
akaashi: wait how did you even know he has hickies on his thighs  
iwa-cunt!: oh suga you sly dog you  
sugawanker: it’s not like that uglies ennoshita doesn’t have a clean pair of shorts since he decided that it was a good idea to spend the night before on a certain dog’s place so he had to borrow shorts from our other wing spiker kinnoshita  
sugawanker: but kinnoshita only has booty shorts so ennoshita has no choice  
sugawanker: bitch thinks he covered the hickies on his thighs correctly uhm I think the fuck not  
moniwow: YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG OH MY GOD  
sugawanker: you have 10 seconds to explain yourself go  
moniwow: I WAS GONNA THANK HIM BECAUSE ITS BECAUSE OF KAGEYAMA THAT I MET MY BOY TOY  
moniwow: boyfriend**  
akaashi: for some reason I don’t think you really wanted to correct that, Moniwa-san.  
moniwow: wow akaashi you must be a psychic howd u hoe  
moniwow: knoe  
moniwow: know  
moniwow: dammit.  
yacult: well its not like youre wrong moniwowskie akaashi is a hoe  
moniwow: first of all please don’t call me moniwowskie ever again  
moniwow: second of all, SPILL  
iwa-cunt!: oh shit expose him yaku  
yacult: yea okay it was during a practice game nekoma had with fukurodani last week and akaashi was wearing baby blue booty shorts with the words ‘kawaii’ in pastel pink printed at the back because he lost a dare against me and kenma  
akaashi: DON’T  
akaashi: HOE DON’T DO IT  
yacult: everything was going well until we reached the middle of the first set and then all of a sudden bokuto got ‘dejected’ and walked out of the gym even though fukurodani was on top of their game and then akaashi suddenly excused himself and told everyone that hed find bokuto  
yacult: LOL BITCH THOUGHT HE WAS SLY  
akaashi: im gonna neck myself lol bye  
sugawanker: WILDT  
sugawanker: CONTINUE YAKU  
yacult: okay so they still werent back after 30 minutes uhm and then our first year shibayama suddenly entered the gym looking pale and I asked if he was ok and do you know what he told me

**akaashi** _left the conversation_  
**yacult** _added_ **akaashi** _to the conversation_

  
yacult: NOT SO FAST BITCH  
moniwow: this is so entertaining  
semi-hard!: im so glad i got popcorn  
yacult: he told me since the game got halted for a long time he went to the bathroom to pee only to find out that it was locked  
yacult: so he went at the back of the comfort room since he couldnt hold it in anymore and while he was tucking his weenie jr he heard moaning coming from inside the comfort room  
sugawanker: WEENIE JR  
yacult: I WONDER WHO COULD THAT BE,,,  
semi-hard: HOLY SHIT OH MY GOS  
akaashi:  
akaashi: bye I hope you add me back never

**akaashi** _left the conversation_  
**yacult** _added_ **akaashi** _to the conversation_

  
akaashi: Whatever do you mean, Yaku-san.  
akaashi: I have no idea what you are talking about.  
yacult: really because im p sure shibayama heard someone say ‘kouta—ugh koutarou yes right there ugh’ and ‘such a good boy, keiji’  
akaashi: I’M LEAVING BYE  
semi-hard: thats hot  
akaashi: GET OUT OF MY LAWN YA HOE  
iwa-cunt!: ???? bitch ??? ur one to talk 


End file.
